The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly • Part 1

Here is the first of what I hope to be many entries in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. Admittedly I got the idea, (far from original) from Gamestop magazine.

Herein I will offer you my take on my latest Geek experiences.

The Good: Stuff I generally enjoyed and find either engaging or particularly well conceived.

The Bad: This will usually be stuff I didn't expect to hate, games I find no love for, or tid-bits from pop culture I just can't stomach.

The Ugly: I'll take pot shots at the stuff I find literally disgusting, out of character, or just plain awful; the stuff I find myself gagging on.

For this instalment:

Red, The Other Guys, and Natalie Portman.

The Good:

Red (Retired, Extremely Dangerous) 2010

Director: Robert Schwentke (his only other film of note: The Time Traveler's Wife)

Cast: Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Miren, Mary Louise-Parker, Brian Cox, and Karl Urban (Bones, from the latest Star Trek franchise)

Bet you didn't know this was based on a comic book of the same name by DC. I sure didn't, and overall it feels a lot like a comic, tongue-in-cheek.

Red is the story of Frank Moses (Bruce Willis), retired black ops operative and love-seeker. He pines for Sarah (Mary Louise-Parker) a clerk that handles his retirement checks.

Moses finds himself on the receiving end of a black ops hit and together with Sarah, he tracks down his old associates in order to strike back at the devious agents that would have him dead.

Viewed from the high level, and considering a movie with this type of cast, there is nothing special or Oscar worthy of Red. There in lies it's greatness. The pay off here is watching such a great cast pull off an light hearted, AARP version of The Expendables. Each supporting actor pulls in a solid performance as unwilling retirees seeking the thrills of their former lives.

Bruce Willis is right at home as the super spy action hero. Freeman does anything but phone in a short lived performance as the aging face man. Much of the well timed humor comes from /Malkovich, who, admittedly isn't straying far from his niche, but really shines in his interactions with the other actors. I'll admit to finding Helen Miren totally hot as a retired MI-6 Assassin. Parker plays a there / not there non-spy and would be generally forgettable save for her well timed doses of reality driven sarcasm.

It all boils down to a nearly campy heist / spy movie that I found thoroughly enjoyable,

even laughing out loud at several scenes. It's fast moving, energetic and well paced.

Red was my sleeper hit of the winter.

The Bad:

The Other Guys:

Director: Adam McKay (Anchorman, Step Brothers)

Cast: Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L Jackson, Dwayne "The Rock "Johnson, Eva Mendes, Rob Riggle, Michael Keaton

This is an unwatchable comedy that revolves around a pair of mismatched cops (Farrell and Wahlberg), with an atrocious storyline detailing the partners' efforts at solving a financial mystery… I think. Like McKay's other Ferrell films, it's obvious that each shooting day was little more than an improv contest between actors. The most obvious problem here is the complete and total lack of laughs from hopelessly stale material that even Will Ferrell can't escape. After 20 minutes I began to feel bad for actors I actually respect. I stared in disbelief as they tried to pull off lines that only the likes of Will Ferrell can butcher. Eva Mendes is so out of place and obviously uncomfortable with her lines that I felt embarrassed for her when I imagine that McKay intended for her to turn me on.

Ferrell's long and aggressively unfunny rant about why a lion could never successfully attack a tuna represents everything that's wrong with The Other Guys, and ultimately served as my point of no return… to bad it's in the first 20 minutes. There's subsequently never a point where the viewer is drawn into the surprisingly complicated and consistently uninvolved narrative, which cements the movie's place as a misfire of impressively epic proportions.

The Ugly:

Natalie Portman in No String Attached.

Disclaimer. I haven't seen this film… and won't see this film. What the Hell is going on? Why is such an acclaimed actress slumming around in a rom-comedy with Ashton Kutcher?

Until it is revealed that she was forced to make such a shitty movie as compensation for her role in Black Swan, Natalie Portman is on the Ugly list… and how the hell does Ashton Kutcher still have a movie career?